How do you feel when you hear the word ‘fat’? Uncomfortable? Shameful? Disgusted? Embarrassed?
For many, those emotions aren’t just a reflex—they’re learned. But ‘fat’ is not a bad word—even though you might shy away from using it, or wince when your kid says it, ‘fat’ is just a descriptor, much like ‘thin’ or ‘short’.
Decades of hearing the word ‘fat’ being associated with very negative attributes, and seeing people in larger bodies being teased and bullied about their weight, has led to many of us having big feelings about this little word—especially if we were teased about our size as a kid. Somewhere along the way, those negative connotations evolved and ‘fat’ became something to fear—something we should desperately try to avoid.
The most common thing we hear is that parents have banned the word ‘fat’ in their house. While this is usually done in an effort to have a more positive body image environment in the home, and might seem like an easy way to avoid siblings teasing each other about their weight, the result of these ‘bans’ can be just as harmful. Avoiding this word can continue the negative connotations around the word—just in unspoken ways.
When our automatic association is that fat = bad, two things happen (both to individuals and to society more broadly). First, people who think they are ‘fat’ feel intense shame about their bodies, which is really unhelpful for their physical and mental health. Secondly, these associations can lead to fatphobia and weight bias (or weight stigma), where we automatically form negative judgments about people based on these connotations.
We don’t want to pass our fears about fatness onto the next generation. Here’s how you can help.
What is fatphobia?
Fatphobia refers to the fear of, hatred or prejudice against fat people, or people in larger bodies. On a larger scale, it is the societal discrimination against people of larger body sizes. These biases and judgements are deeply engrained in everyday life and might look like:
- Fearing weight gain or obsessing over controlling body weight
- Avoiding certain foods or exercising out of fear of becoming ‘fat’
- Making fun of larger bodies (e.g. fat-shaming memes or jokes) or using ‘fat’ as an insult
- Casual body-shaming comments like “She’s really let herself go” or “I hope I never get that big”
- Negative portrayals of fat people in the media (e.g. as lazy or greedy) or positioning characters in larger bodies as the comic relief (i.e. someone who is laughed at and not taken seriously)
- Complimenting weight loss under the assumption that it is always a good thing, even though weight loss is a common sign or byproduct of illness
- Healthcare professionals ignoring health concerns and only focusing on weight, prescribing weight loss regardless of the presenting issue
- Assuming that high body weight is due to people not eating healthily or not exercising, without taking factors such as genetics, mental health and actual health behaviours into account
- Judging others’ eating habits with comments like “You shouldn’t eat that” or “You’ll get fat if you eat too much”
- Avoiding or excluding larger-bodied people from activities because of their size (e.g. assuming they can’t participate in sports or travel comfortably)
Fatphobia and weight stigma is pervasive and can have significant adverse effects on people’s physical and mental health. Research now shows that feeling shame and discrimination about your body (especially your weight) is linked to health problems and early death—more so than your actual weight. It is also estimated that more than a quarter of the links between high body weight and poor health are caused by discrimination. While huge, multi-million dollar studies in the 2000s and 2010s found a connection between high weight and health conditions, these studies overlooked how people felt about their bodies or the discrimination they faced because of their weight.
This research shows that it’s not the weight itself that’s the problem—it’s the shame surrounding it. We need to address and actively challenge this shame, so that future generations don’t perpetuate the same harmful narrative.
How can I avoid passing fatphobia onto my kids?
Fatphobia is most often passed down through generations unintentionally, by kids copying and absorbing the actions and words of the adults around them. Everyday comments, conversations and actions (even subtle ones, such as those listed above) add up, and they can cement a culture that normalises fatphobia—often completely unknowingly.
The first step to avoiding passing fatphobia onto your kids (or any young person around you) is to be aware of how it shows up in your life. Take stock of the ways in which you might display internalised judgement or biases—whether it’s through negative comments about your own body, making assumptions about others based on their size or even unintentionally reinforcing stereotypes about what bodies are ‘acceptable’. When you become aware of these patterns, you can begin to challenge them, replacing harmful beliefs with more inclusive and compassionate attitudes.
Some additional strategies include:
- Being mindful of language: Pay attention to your language, actions and thoughts around bodies, food and movement. Avoid comments that associate value with body size and praise qualities like creativity, kindness and intelligence over appearance
- Focusing on health over appearance: Encourage kids to eat a variety of foods and move their bodies because it’s good for them, not because of the way it might make their body look
- Being a good role model: Practice self-compassion and avoid criticising your own body in front of children. Try to avoid commenting on other people’s bodies—in either a positive or negative way
- Creating a safe space for expression: Let kids express their feelings about their bodies without judgement and offer reassurance that their worth isn’t tied to their appearance
- Supporting media literacy: Help children to critically analyse the media they consume (in an age-appropriate way) and identify content that perpetuates harmful narratives and stereotypes surrounding appearance. We’ve shared some tips here
- Seeking diverse representation: Expose kids to books, shows and role models that showcase diverse body types and celebrate diversity and inclusivity. It’s important to expose kids to a variety of body shapes, sizes and abilities to normalise natural variation
As for the ‘f word’ (fat)? There’s no need to ban it—just use it in a more neutral way, like you would with ‘tall’ or ‘short’, especially when referring to non-humans. Some examples include:
- Describing substances or objects: “Ooh these pancakes are so fat and delicious”; “Olive oil and butter are both cooking fats”; “Bears rely on their fat reserves during hibernation”
- Describing physical features without judgement: “Everyone needs a certain amount of body fat to stay healthy”; “Our bodies store fat in different places and in different ways, depending on our genetics”
- Talking about eating fats: “We need to eat fats to keep us healthy, absorb vitamins, and make our foods more satisfying”; “Avocados and nuts are fat-rich foods”
By implementing these strategies, you’ll create a supportive environment where young people not only develop a positive relationship with their own bodies but also learn to respect and celebrate all bodies. When we stop contributing to and passing down fatphobia, we pave the way for future generations to embrace diversity and contribute to a world where everyone—no matter their weight, shape or size—can feel valued and appreciated.
If you are concerned that your young person is struggling with their body image or eating/exercise behaviours, don’t hesitate to seek out the support and guidance of a professional. Their GP or the Butterfly Foundation National Helpline (1800 334 673) is a great place to start.
