Puberty is a normal process that the vast majority of teens and tweens will go through, but since everyone goes through it differently, it can be hard to know how to support your child through the unique changes they are experiencing. From growing taller and gaining weight to growing hair in new places and changes to their skin and voices, young people go through a lot during puberty, so we’ve put together some tips to help you support them through it.
Before we dive in, it’s important to understand exactly why it’s so crucial to offer support to your young person throughout puberty. Not only can your support make them feel less anxious, confused and overwhelmed about the whole process, but it can also reduce the risk of developing disordered eating or exercise behaviours. Puberty is a well-known critical risk period for the development of eating disorders, largely due to the intense physical and psychological changes that are happening. Having someone to normalise these changes, validate concerns and alleviate fears during this time can help young people to accept and embrace this period of their life, and avoid feeling pressured to resist or counteract their natural developmental changes with food and/or exercise.
Create an open environment for discussion
Create a safe and open environment where your child feels comfortable discussing their body changes and any concerns they may have without fear of judgement or embarrassment. Many young people might not feel comfortable starting a conversation about body changes that they’ve noticed, so let them know that you’re happy for them to come to you whenever they’re ready. Alternatively, you may find an opportunity presents itself while watching TV together or talking about what they learnt at school.
Whenever you have these conversations with them, make sure you acknowledge and validate any feelings of confusion, insecurity or discomfort that they may have about their changing body. This can be a scary and overwhelming time for them (it probably was for you at the same age!), so it’s important for them to feel safe talking about it with you.
Answer questions honestly and encourage curiosity
Empower kids with the right information to help them understand what their body is going through. Try to use simple, factual explanations and use the correct terms for body parts, rather than skirting around tricky topics. Your child will feel more comfortable if you speak openly and confidently about these topics. For example, instead of saying something like “You might notice some red stuff down there”, clearly explain that “You might soon have your first period, which means that blood will come out of your vagina. It comes from the lining of your uterus and even though it might feel or look strange at first, it’s totally normal and is your body’s way of showing you that you are growing up.”
Try not to dismiss questions that they have or make them feel silly for asking them — instead, encourage them to be curious and make sure they know that they can ask you any questions. If you don’t know the answer to something, ask your child’s doctor or a relevant health professional for advice (or quickly Google it!).
Understand emotional changes
It’s not just the body that is evolving from child version to adult version — it’s the brain too! There are several key developmental changes that take place early in puberty that can heighten young people’s self consciousness around their appearance.
The first change occurs around the age of 9, when they start to develop the capacity to compare themselves to others. The second change occurs at ages 10 and 11, when kids become much more aware of the perspectives of others — particularly their friends and peers — and this focus on their friends starts to overtake the influence of family in terms of what they want to wear, how they want to look and what they want to be spending their time doing.
Finally, in adolescence, young people tend to become very self-conscious about their bodies. This is all thanks to a phase called ‘egocentrism’, in which they think everyone is looking at them all the time. Remember when you thought everyone was watching your every move, as though you were in your own reality TV show? That’s egocentrism, and it can make adolescents more focused on how they look, and make them want to change their bodies in order to live up to the established norms of their friend group or peers at school.
Normalise body changes
Reassure them that the changes they’re feeling in their body (whether it’s physical changes or fluctuations in mood, appetite or energy levels) are normal. Weight gain in particular is often a worrying change for young people, but it’s important to reassure them that it’s normal — in fact, it’s vital for their health. They need to gain weight to help all the parts of their bodies grow, including their organs, bones and muscles. For young people who can menstruate, weight gain (specifically fat gain) is also important to prepare the body for menstruation. Research suggests that a body fat percentage of 17-22% is required for menstruation to start (and to support ongoing menstruation) — so it’s absolutely normal, and much needed!
Emphasise that everyone goes through puberty at their own pace and that it’s normal for bodies to change at different rates, too. There is no right or wrong way to experience puberty — some young people might gain height before others while others gain weight earlier, some might develop acne when others don’t and so on. Reassure them that their body knows what it’s doing, and it will change at the right time for each person — and in a way that is right for them. Try not to compare the rate of their body changes to that of their friends or siblings, as that can make them feel self conscious during an already vulnerable period.
Signs that your child might be struggling with their body image
Even with all the support and reassurance possible, some young people might still develop an unhealthy relationship with their body. It is not your fault, as body image is incredibly complex and multifaceted. Here are some signs that your child might be struggling:
- Openly criticising their body
- Spending a lot of time in front of the mirror, or checking their appearance
- Talking about their own appearance in comparison to others
- Withdrawing from the family, particularly around mealtimes
- Becoming more secretive about food
- Changes to their normal eating patterns or engaging in dieting or tracking calories/food consumption
- Wearing larger clothes to hide their body
If you are concerned that your young person is struggling with their body image, don’t hesitate to seek out the support and guidance of a professional. Their GP, or the Butterfly Foundation National Helpline (1800 334 673) is a great place to start.
